


Midnight Train to Dortmund

by mariposaroja



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Crack, M/M, impromptu performance by Thomas, mario doesn't ask to suffer and yet he does, mario's leaving bayern party, this is all a conspiracy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-20 18:04:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10667946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariposaroja/pseuds/mariposaroja
Summary: "Mario wasn’t exactly sure what prompted him to believe that this would be a good idea. Sure, a farewell party in anticipation of his return to Dortmund seemed innocent enough, but the fact that it was enthusiastically spearheaded by one Thomas Müller should have provided all the warning he needed."" For one night only, please welcome ‘Marco Reus and the Süds’!”





	Midnight Train to Dortmund

**Author's Note:**

> This has been one of my Gotzeus songs since last summer but it wasn't until I watched an episode of House with a friend the other day that I finally got an idea of how to incorporate it. The clip from which I drew inspiration is [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BVGGG2J0_7M) if you would like to check out the nuances ;)

Mario wasn’t exactly sure what prompted him to believe that this would be a good idea. Sure, a farewell party in anticipation of his return to Dortmund seemed innocent enough, but the fact that it was enthusiastically spearheaded by one Thomas Müller should have provided all the warning he needed. Unfortunately, he had been understandably touched by the gesture and was grateful to have the chance to say goodbye to the team mates that he’d come to love over the past couple of seasons, despite everything.

So Mario put on his favourite pair of jeans and a shirt, made sure that his hair was acceptable (though there might have been a disparity between what he and others deemed acceptable) and allowed himself to be kidnapped by the Bayern talisman, with Manu driving the getaway car.

The club was one they frequented as often as professional sportsmen were allowed, and Mario breathed a sigh of relief when they arrived and saw that Thomas had managed to secure them a private room for the evening (looking back, that should have served as a warning from the beginning…). Everyone was there; players, coaches… even Pep stopped by for a small while at the start of the night to wish him well, and Mario had returned the handshake with a tight smile. That, however, was not enough to dampen his mood. The alcohol flowed continuously and he couldn’t remember a time when he didn’t have a drink in his hand, despite the fact that he’d been to the bar all of two times since entering the premises.

Despite knowing that it was most definitely the right decision to leave, Mario couldn’t help feeling a little bit sad that all these people were going to continue on without him (with hardly any adjustment at that), drunkenly voicing those thoughts to one or two of the guys over the course of the night. Javí reminded him that, while they would all miss him, he would be going to a better place, which left him just the tiniest bit worried if he was completely honest.

Thomas himself was remarkably well behaved, which amused the midfielder to no end but also left him a little bit paranoid. Surely they wouldn’t be so kind as to let him go without embarrassing him one last time, right? Maybe that was their angle- make him think that something was going to happen and let him live in fear for the entire night…

Wrong.

The first indication that something wasn’t quite right was when the ever-sensible Xabi pulled him away from his conversation with Kathleen by the bar and herded him into a seat at the table right in front of the little platform that he supposed could pass for a stage. A feeling of dread began to creep over Mario and his first thought as he looked around in an attempt to suss out what was happening was strippers, which really wouldn’t look good for any of them if word was leaked to the media. None appeared, and Mario’s heart continued to thrum a little quicker than its usual place. Until-

 _“Ladies and gentlemen, we have a little treat for our guest of honour tonight… For one night only, please welcome ‘_ Marco Reus and the Süds’ _!”_

If he had been taking a drink at that moment, he would have unquestionably done a spit-take but since he hadn’t, his jaw just practically hit the floor instead because MARCO WAS THERE. Shuffling in his seat and sitting up a little straighter in excitement, Mario was- understandably- more than a little put out when it wasn’t his best friend (and kinda more than that? Okay, maybe _a lot_ more than that…) but _Thomas_ fucking _Müller_ , flanked by Lewy and David; all three wearing _head to toe Dortmund Kit_.

Thank god there were no flies around because, if there were, Mario would have choked on one or two at this stage. His not-entirely-sober brain could not quite comprehend what was happening. Especially when a member of staff placed two microphones on the platform-stage. Thomas, unsurprisingly, was grinning like an idiot.

“Mario, I know I speak for everyone at Bayern when I say that we have loved having you here over the past three years and we’re all going to miss your blinding smile and your cherub cheeks. We wanted to give you a going away party that you will _never forget_ , so I’ve put together a little performance that I think you’ll enjoy. I’m sorry that Marco couldn’t be here tonight because we didn’t invite him but I hope that you’ll suspend disbelief for just a little while…”

A quick look around, to ascertain whether everyone else was witnessing this or he was just so wasted that he was hallucinating, told him that a) he was very much awake and lucid, and b) everyone seemed to be enjoying this far more than he was if the hysterical laughter and phones held up recording the travesty were anything to go by.

“Javi, you know what to do…”

Javi, taking his cue, started the music and _oh god_ , Mario was never going to forgive Thomas for this as long as he lived.

_“Munich… proved too much for the man…”_

_“(Too much for the man, he couldn’t make it-)”_

Mario honestly didn’t know what was more scarring, Thomas’ singing or the fact that Lewy and David were singing back up. The whole of FC Bayern Munich, however, found it hilarious. The traitors…

_“He said he’s going back to find (Going back to find), oohh what’s left of his world. The world he left behind, not so long ago…”_

_Here it goes…_

_“He’s leaving (leaving), on that midnight train to Dortmund (Leaving on that midnight train).”_

If, and that was a big ‘if’, Mario wasn’t so dismayed by this performance, which made him want to flee the country out of sheer mortification (he probably would have were it not for Xabi’s firm grip on his arm), he might have been impressed by the level of preparation Thomas and co (or _Marco and the Süds…)_ had put into this.

_“Said he’s going back (Going back to find) to a simpler place in time, oh yes he is (Whenever he takes that ride, guess who’s gonna be right by his side)”_

Mario narrowed his eyes at the costumes. Thomas was wearing a Dortmund jersey with the number 11 and Reus clearly emblazoned on the back of it, David was wearing Auba’s and Lewy… well, Lewy was wearing his own. The level of detail made him wonder whether Thomas had actually consulted with Marco on this one and had him provide the kits. If so, Mario was going to kill him with his bare hands.

_“I’ll be with him (I know you will) on that midnight train to Dortmund (Leaving on a midnight train to Dortmund, woo woo)_

_“I’d rather live in his world (Live in his world) than live without him in mine…”_

Four minutes. That was how long he had to endure this monstrosity. Four minutes of Thomas’ suggestive winks and out of tune singing while Lewy and David performed a routine that they must have at least spent an hour or two choreographing. It was time well spent apparently, earning them a standing ovation from everyone bar the man of the moment as soon as they had finished. For the first time that night, Mario was ecstatic to be leaving because there was no way in hell that he could even look at any of these people again, more out of betrayal than embarrassment.

“What did you think?” Thomas asked, grinning like a Cheshire cat, while hopping down off the platform after taking his bow.

Trying to keep his face eerily neutral, Mario arched an eyebrow. “I think you should be glad that we need you for Die Mannschaft…”

Seemingly unperturbed by that borderline threat, the forward threw his arm over the younger man’s shoulder. “See, I knew you’d love it. I tell you, it was so hard to keep it a secret but I think the element of surprise really added to the overall effect, don’t you?”

Yep, Mario _really_ couldn’t wait to return to Dortmund.


End file.
